Things I've learned while growing in and then healing in the Lord.
Skipping through quickly just to let you see how I came to ruin, after a daughter came dragging back to her home town with a 6 month old baby, and knowing that baby would need me (won't explain all that) I first allowed my daughter to run my business into the ground and then eventually wound up back out on the road driving truck to support them both. There's the stupid part.
After a few years of driving, discovery the hard way while on the road that I had emphysema and then giving my back its final blow, I wound up having to quit. Another $15000 for her benefit and then another $9000 toward my daughter and I was coming in for a landing. Soon on disability that only paid about $500 a month and suddenly I was considered a moocher, living rent free, worthless and no need to worry about her packing up and moving off to another state hoping to just dump me with $975 month rent.
That particular journey started there when the Lord let me know I had 3 days to find a place to live. 3 days? On $500 a month? How was that going to happen?
The Lord had provided a way, ahead of time. A long distance customer I had been doing designing and mold making for, had also become as close to an adopted son as one can get and guess who backed me up all the way. I will always love that young man and never be able to repay him. I searched and searched and could find nothing nearby and I finally gave up, called my sister who lived in a country town area and asked if she wanted to go with me while I checked bulletin boards in the small town. She did and wanted to stop at the post office first, to check her mail. While she headed for her mail box, I noted an 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper on a bulletin board and went to see what it was. It was my new home.
I called then met the owner of this place I live today, made him an offer and he took it. It was like everything was paved before me and before I knew it, I was running about moving boxes and trying to make this old gutted trailer out back into my new workshop.
One year. That's what it took for the Lord to heal my heart and straighten out my mind. This place had no curtains or rods and I wound up using part of the money my newly adopted son sent to help, just covering the windows. I sorted and cleaned and even spent 3 days scrubbing the stove. It was SO bad, I went through every chemical I could think of, every type scrubber and just kept at it. By the time I was done, I had to take a pic as it was just shining where before it looks creepy.
I had work that lasted me a year and all the while, I was dumping on the Lord. One minute I was mad at my daughter and the next minute mad at myself and then diving into depression thinking somehow it was my fault the way she had turned out. Along the way, while I wailed or stormed, the Lord brought a memory. Something that made me stop and ponder. Almost daily, these memories were being brought to mind and each time I looked at it, examined it and realized it wasn't may fault. Through that year, I was in solitude and I think constantly talking to the Lord while I worked. There was a storm in me and I didn't really understand it but I kept talking. I was telling the Lord how it felt, how I was feeling about this or that, crying or storming and every time, He brought back another memory. Each memory brought me closer to an answer and a closing. Then the wild night in the shower after a hard day of working, He brought 'the big one' out and I just stepped back. Oh my! Oh my! I WASN'T me. I had raised a narcissist who was born that way. Bringing that to light to a mother is quite a revelation and shocking. I was seeing the truth, facing the truth, hurting from the truth and healing.
No wonder there was so much stress around her. No wonder the way she is acting. No wonder my brain was fried!! A year....a whole year but He eventually worked me around to the point of the whole problem. I was healed.
Now what did I learn, aside from the fact you can have a 2 way conversation with the Lord? I learned to take Him on as my best friend, who can listen to anything and everything without getting His feeling hurt about something. I learned that when you take the time to simply walk and talk with Him, He will walk with you. For sure I learned is was about TIME I made closer friends with Him.
Now I carry that message. When someone is going off the deep end or so depressed they want to hurt themselves or the world has gone nuts on them and they can't find peace....my mouth flies open and says' Walking and Talking'...that's your answer.
You don't just TELL the Lord how you're feeling, you explain why your feeling that way and why it hurts so bad. It's not a time to pray for the government or the world or your friends...it's a time to be alone with Him. While you're working, while mowing the lawn, while driving, while sitting on a rock somewhere, it doesn't matter. What matter's is that you talk to Him the same way you'd talk with a VERY best friend. Not only is He a great listener, He remembers things you've forgotten and when it's time to remind you, He will bring it to mind and wait. He gives you time to reflect on it, ponder it, come to realize a truth about it. He's the only friend Who will wait as long as it takes before He presents you with yet another memory. One by one those memories compound one on the other until you finally see a picture so clearly, you never would have believed it.
You see...most of our answers are already in you but putting it all into place until you've come to see clearly and accept it sometimes takes a long time like it did me.
So if you're laid up with pain or struggling in a relationship or confused about your direction or wondering why it seems you're chasing your own tail...remember..Walk and Talk with your best friend. No need for a special time. No need for knees and solitude. No need for any formalities. He IS your perfect friend and will meet you when and where you are at all times and in every way. Give Him enough credit to be with you in the tub, the car, the mountains, the valley's, washing dishes, changing a diaper...what ever! If you feel your friend isn't there, keep talking, keep walking. He's there...you just haven't waited long enough for Him to speak.
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